2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
