His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
