..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
