I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
