i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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