No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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