I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
