dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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