So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
