Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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