bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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