She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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