The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
