She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
