Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
We left an ass print on the piano.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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