Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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