I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize