hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just threw up on my dentist
that's an acceptable place to lick
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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