GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
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