i don't like sucking hair
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
