I want to have your abortion
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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