Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i drank out of a bidet.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
