Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
