I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
