Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I still have a little drunk in my system
Randomize
