So drunk, too bad you don't want this
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
