I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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