Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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