1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
