his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
