Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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