Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
