god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
