it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Just high enough for therapy.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
