how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
