Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Is her dick bigger than yours?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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