So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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