i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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