You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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