i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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