he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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