I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
