You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
