And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
do nipples grow back?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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