I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
