i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
high people should be assigned attendants
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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