You're earring is so big in my mouth
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
