Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
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I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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