dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
