I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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