Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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