What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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