Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
there was a trapeze. enough said
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
