After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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