Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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