I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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