Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
