I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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