who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
